Re-evaluating Modern Values: Bonding with Pets and Bonding with One’s Child Are Not Just Similar, but Identical, as Shown by Biology and Psychology Studies

Parental love is a cornerstone of human social behaviour, deeply intertwined with our biology and psychology. Yet, the capacity to love a non-biological child as deeply as one’s own stands among humanity’s greatest achievements. It reveals our ability to transcend biological imperatives in favour of a love that is universal—fuelled by empathy, altruism, and a recognition of our shared humanity.

With this in mind, it is only fair to conclude that parental love toward non-human animals represents an even greater evolution in our capacity to love. It mirrors the care we give to an adopted child, yet without the trade-offs of expectation—free from the hope that they might care for us in our own times of need, in old age or illness.

The more we surrender ourselves to this love, the deeper the joy—and the greater the sorrow—when their brief, precious life inevitably comes to an end. This love carries a unique burden: the guilt of our inability to protect them entirely, despite our best efforts.

In loving them, we open ourselves to a profound grief, knowing that their unwavering trust in us will, in time, confront the limits of our helplessness—no matter how much we wish it weren’t so.

The trauma of accepting that it was up to me to give the go-ahead to let Cupcake go was unbearable. The grief of losing her, which was already overwhelming, was intensified by the burden of deciding when it should happen. This responsibility amplified my pain, manifesting in physical symptoms, as the weight of making such a choice deepened the emotional anguish of losing someone I felt such deep love for.


Only by emotionally detaching was I able to ensure that Cupcake’s euthanasia was as peaceful as possible for her.


This involved arranging for her vet to come to our home, ensuring she was sedated well before the vet’s arrival, and organising an individual pet cremation ceremony.


Cupcake took her last breath resting in one of her favourite spots in the garden on a sunny August afternoon.


In loving memory of Cupcake, 2011-2024

Despite the undeniable bond many people feel toward their pets, it remains somewhat culturally marginalised—often dismissed as the domain of the overly sentimental, eccentric, or “animal lovers.” This perception persists despite growing scientific evidence that the love humans feel for their pets is not merely a reflection of affection but a deep, biologically-rooted bond. The notion that loving a non-human child is “almost the same” or relegated to the realm of the emotional outliers is outdated, and it’s time for a cultural shift to recognise this bond for what it truly is: a biological and psychological reality.

Scientific research has definitively shown that the mechanisms behind the human-animal bond are indistinguishable from those driving the connection between a parent and their child. The ventral tegmental area (VTA), a key brain region responsible for releasing dopamine and associated with love, reward, and bonding, is activated in the same way when we interact with our pets as when mothers engage with their infants. This is not an emotional exaggeration but a scientifically proven fact—our brains respond identically in both relationships.

Moreover, the hormonal responses further validate this bond. Oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” surges in both humans and pets during moments of connection. This response mirrors the hormonal exchange between mothers and infants, cementing the fact that the emotional connection we feel toward our pets is not a lesser form of love but an identical, biologically driven bond.

Advanced neuroimaging, particularly functional MRI (fMRI) scans, shows that the same neural circuits involved in emotional processing, memory, and attachment are activated when we see or think about our pets, just as they are when we focus on our children. These brain areas—like the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus—respond in exactly the same way, reinforcing that the love we feel for our pets is not a diluted version of parental love but the same at its very core.

This scientific evidence makes it clear that attachment theory, which traditionally explained the bond between a child and caregiver, extends to the human-pet relationship. We now know that the same neural and hormonal mechanisms underpin both bonds, making the connection between humans and their pets as legitimate and profound as any parent-child relationship. The idea that this love is somehow “less” is an outdated cultural myth.

For individuals who experience this profound love for their pets, it is not a sign of emotional excess but rather the pinnacle of human evolution’s capacity for love, care, and attachment. These bonds reflect not just the potential for empathy and affection but the biological and psychological depths of love itself. And if this bond is, in fact, rooted in the same mechanisms that define parent-child love, it’s time to change the cultural narrative around it.

It is essential that we challenge the outdated notion that loving a non-human animal is somehow “lesser” or peculiar. We must recognise that, for many people, their capacity for love has evolved to encompass all sentient beings, whether human or animal. As more people become aware of the scientific underpinnings of this bond, we have an opportunity to reshape how society views human-animal relationships. By speaking out, we can push the boundaries of our cultural understanding of love and compassion, creating a world that better reflects the depth of human capacity for attachment—whether toward a human child or a non-human one.

Further Reading

Link: How to Cope with the Death of a Pet – The Washington Post

This article provides practical advice for pet owners dealing with the death of a pet, covering the emotional toll, offering tips on navigating grief, and discussing the growing acceptance of in-home euthanasia and pet cremation services.

Link: The Surprising Shame of Pet Loss – The Guardian

This article explores the societal stigma often associated with grieving the loss of a pet, challenging the notion that human relationships should be inherently valued more than those with animals. It argues for greater empathy and recognition of pet grief.

Link: Pet Death Grief – Popular Science

This article delves into the deep grief experienced by pet owners after the death of their pets, explaining that the bond between humans and pets can be as strong as, or stronger than, the bond between humans and other people. It also discusses changing societal attitudes toward pet loss.

References

Scientific Studies on Human-Animal Bond

  1. Palley, L.E., O’Brien, L.S., et al. (2014). Patterns of Brain Activation When Mothers View Their Own Child and Dog: An fMRI Study. PLOS ONE.
    • This study discusses the activation of the VTA and other brain regions when mothers interact with their children and pets, showing that similar neural pathways are involved in both types of bonding.
  2. Nagasawa, M., Kikusui, T., et al. (2015). Oxytocin-gaze positive loop and the coevolution of human-dog bonds. Science.
    • This study demonstrates the release of oxytocin in both humans and dogs during interactions, underscoring the biological foundation of the human-pet bond.
  3. Berns, G.S., Brooks, A.M., et al. (2015). Neural Mechanisms of the Human-Animal Bond: fMRI Studies of Dog and Human Interactions. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience.
    • This study explores how similar neural circuits are activated when humans see or think about their pets and when mothers see or think about their children.
  4. Serpell, J.A. (1991). The Pet Effect: Health and Caregiving Behavior in Human-Animal Relationships. Anthrozoös.
    • This research expands on attachment theory, highlighting how the same mechanisms that underlie parent-child attachment are present in human-pet relationships.

Consciousness in Animals

  1. Edelman, D. and Seth, A. (2009). Neuroscience of Consciousness in Animals. Journal of Consciousness Studies.
    • This paper provides evidence that certain animals possess a level of consciousness, drawing comparisons with human consciousness.
  2. Various Scientists.The Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness.
    • This declaration, signed by leading neuroscientists, acknowledges that many non-human animals, including mammals and birds, possess the neurological substrates of consciousness.

Emotional Lives and Pain in Animals

  1. Bekoff, M. (2007). The Emotional Lives of Animals: A Leading Scientist Explores Animal Joy, Sorrow, and Empathy — and Why They Matter.
    • This book explores various studies that provide evidence of animals experiencing emotions such as joy, sorrow, and empathy.
  2. Masson, J.M. and McCarthy, S. (2005). Emotions in Animals: What They Are and Why They Matter. Behavioural and Brain Sciences.
    • This paper argues that animals experience a range of emotions, from fear to joy, based on behavioral and neurological evidence.
  3. Mogil, J.S. and Davis, M.L. (2005). Pain and Suffering in Laboratory Animals: The Case for Minimizing Use of Animals in Biomedical Research. Nature Reviews Neuroscience.
    • This paper discusses the neurobiological mechanisms of pain perception in animals, indicating that animals experience pain similarly to humans.
  4. Flecknell, P. (2018). Assessing pain in animals. Animal Welfare.
    • This article reviews methods for assessing pain in animals and highlights the similarities in pain pathways between animals and humans.

Psychological and Emotional Impact of Pet Loss

  1. Serpell, J.A. (1991). The Pet Effect: Health and Caregiving Behavior in Human-Animal Relationships. Anthrozoös.
    • This research discusses how pets are often seen as innocent and pure, which can amplify feelings of loss and grief when they die.
  2. Society & Animals Journal. (2000). Grieving the Death of a Pet: A Study of Behavioral and Emotional Reactions.
    • This study explores the deep emotional impact of pet loss and highlights that the perceived innocence and unconditional love provided by pets can lead to more intense feelings of grief compared to human loss.
  3. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying. (2003). Disenfranchised Grief in Companion Animal Loss.
    • This paper discusses how the grief experienced from losing a pet can be exacerbated by the fact that animals are often seen as innocent and devoid of the flaws that complicate human relationships.
  4. Current Directions in Psychological Science. (2005). The Psychological Benefits of Pet Ownership.
    • This article touches on the idea that pets are often seen as “perfect companions” because they provide unconditional love and loyalty without the complexities of human interactions, making their loss feel more tragic.